Have you hit the 50 mark?

I’ve talked to so many people recently, that have hit their 50’s and are wondering what happened.

I’m fessing up to joining up on a website where you can be anonymously yourself and talk to others about whatever your lil heart desires. Yeah, it can be dirty or just be a place where you can let your hair down and speak your piece, or not. It’s a bit freeing.

I did learn that we all have our little secrets. So many of us walking around with that smiling mask, that even our closest people never see under. Now before you go judging me or my cohorts, take a look under yours.

Do you have a significant other that had asked you for something recently, or even in the past few years? Did they harp on it then suddenly quit? Did anything change? Do you want to keep that person? Now this can be anything. Usually sex yes, but can also be how or where you’re living. It can be anything this person holds dear or close. So don’t dismiss it as just a phase or whim. Listen people! Listen to your people! Because let me tell you if you don’t someone else in the same boat will. Do you want to risk that? How confident in your relationship are you? Deep? Nope actually easy. Listen, love,care and spend a little time. That’s it.

Now before you go thinking all these people are just in it for sex, stop, some of the men I spoke to, talk about wanting their wives. I found it sweet and heartening. Very few are done in their relationships. Just need to talk it out with someone they don’t know. Yes, a few feel trapped and need an outlet. But for the most part it wasn’t like that. I myself was on the site reading about different experiences and needing an outlet. I was feeling lonely and disconnected. Not looking for an online relationship. Just an outlet, like this, but with interaction.

So this took a different direction than what I had intended. Lol! I was going to write about hitting 50 and thinking maybe a change is needed. This experience I’ve had above didn’t make me feel this way. I already felt like I needed something else. I actually decided to get healthy. Well, a healthy body leads to a healthy mind. The fog cleared and all I could think is my life needs a change. I had to take a long hard look at myself. I found that work is what’s needed here. Inside and out. The only person that can do this is me. My happiness is on me. Time to take the path less traveled.

I’m in a committed relationship, have been for many years. However, I only want the same for him. A subject for another day.

Many blessings…

Oopsie

So while I get ready to take the big plunge, I’ve decided to enjoy the beautiful California bike trails. Riding my my vintage road bike alone gives me this amazing feeling of freedom. I use Strava and try to push myself to get faster and just stronger.

So I take off this beautiful Saturday morning. AirPods in, some kicking ass music. I felt amazing. I was having the best ride. I even saw a beautiful mountain lion, a gorgeous deer jumped out in front of me and it was just going great. I know you feel it coming lol… so I had thought I’m going out 10 Miles back 10. I went out the 10 and the lion was so on my mind. I need a picture or no one will believe it. So on the way back, I see two young ladies on the trail and I slow down tell them to be careful since I saw a mountain lion earlier. One young lady, was so scared telling me we just saw it, it’s right over there and she points behind me. I turned around but I didn’t see it. She continues, saying we didn’t know what to do, and we were waiting for some bike riders to come along. Poor thing, she was so scared. She asked if I had ever heard of them attacking anyone in the area. I haven’t but I guess it’s possible, right? I felt no fear. Which now that I think of it maybe should have. Anyway, I told her to go ahead and I was going back to see if I could get a picture of the cat. I looked around a bit and never saw it. However time was passing and of course there are things to do. I left and after a few miles I felt my energy quickly depleting. Lowest gear barely moving kind of bad. I had water on me, that’s it. I usually pack a few dates, but not today. There was a small hill and that was it, nothing left! Left clip out, right clip, right clip? Uhh yeah that’s me on the ground. Dang it! I was done… I dragged my sorry self over out of the way and sat there. Damn that’s embarrassing. No one saw me fall but the ego took quite a hit. I sat there trying to rest up a bit so I could move on and get home. Ok, so like, I felt pain all over, but when I tried to get up my right wrist wasn’t having it. What the heck!? Is that really so painful? I got up using my left side thinking ah it can’t be that bad. Um, I can’t even get back on the bike!! My arm starts shaking and it finally registers in my head, you have messed up big time now. So I make the call of shame. Hello? Husband? I messed up my arm and can’t ride my bike back. I think I need a ride to the ER. His response? WHAT!? Lol yeah I need a ride if possible. So he drove to the closest spot he could and I walked about 4 miles to the truck. I’m shaking my head now, just thinking about it.

My inner voice kept telling me, stop, rest a little while. But, no, I had to hurry since it was getting late. Lesson learned the hard way. Plus I ruined that whole day. ER took all day, and a month of bike riding. Cast is now off, however wrist is weak and stiff. I will be riding that same bike tomorrow. Stay tuned lol.

You would think this would make me second guess my plans. However, it hasn’t I feel as though this is just something that’s happened and it’s over.

It’s like I’m in this place inside myself. Focused, and there’s this calm in my soul. Love and light emanate. Nothing seems to bother me, hurt me yes. My feelings can be hurt but when I look into myself, I find that place again, and all is well. My path is lit and here I go.

Blessings

Amor

Love, Love, Love

Yeah baby… love.   So a person told me not very long ago there are many forms of love.  Which yeah there are.  I just really don’t think about it very much.  Does anyone?

You love your family. Yeah
You love your friends. Yeah
You love your pets. Yeah

Then there is that one love.. Amor.  The stuff you read about and movies are made of.  That soul sucking, heart wrenching, mind melting stuff people dream of.  Is it real? Damn straight it is. Ask any Latina out there. We love hard and so when we get broken.. we break hard. Haven’t you heard any of our sad, broken hearted songs? They make country songs sound like a ray of sunshine. Ok ok I’m kidding, kinda.

People use the term I love you all the time.  The meaning seems to vary depending on the person saying it.  I find that actions are so much louder. People are busy, life is busy.  So for someone to take a little time in their day is indeed a sign. Then again no message is also a message.

Someone dear to me brought this song to my attention, Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol.   A few lines from it are:

Those three words
are said too much
They’re not enough

I have to agree. You can tell a person all day how much you care or love them, but at the end of the day its going to be how you treat that person.  If you value their heart you will treat it with care, as if it were your own.  Not just at first,  because its new and exciting.  But later on too.

ok I’m gonna come off as a fairytale reading kind of person. However it’s my story so deal.

Shouldn’t there be a bigger connection? Is there a bigger connection?

Ahh yeah, that one connection… The one who gets you, who doesn’t care about yesterday. This person knows that’s what made you today. Made you the person he or she adores. No judgement, just a learning and a yearning. Like that? Lol. They are also around to be there for you. To raise you up, not break you down.

What’s this got to do with this blog?  Happiness, the pursuit of happiness.  Love has to be a part of it doesn’t it?

La vida siempre…

Todavia esperando el viento de libertad..

Funny but I found this old blog from years ago, one that I used as an outlet. I used the blog and hobbies to help deal with the fact that something was missing. My soul needed… I actually thought I knew just what it needed, but found it unattainable. I blamed circumstances beyond my control.  It is what it is, right?

Made a few changes to my life and not only did it change my health but it cleared my mind. Changed my thinking.

I have gone through stages of sadness, self loathing, and finally the realization that you only have yourself in this life. No matter what, the decisions you make have you where you are.

Happy? This is the question, are you happy?  So what makes you happy? Even this may not be just what you think. I have come to the find that love and family are all I need. The simple things, like you hear the old folks tell. Well dang, they are so right.  I am the old folk now!

You hear all the clichés like just do it, and whatever else, but life is hard and you just keep going because let’s face it, it’s just easier…

Change, change is hard. Not knowing how it’s going to pan out that’s scary as heck. No matter how much you plan and save one little glitch can ruin the whole thing. So do you keep on with the known and just keep being unhappy? Do you take the plunge into the unknown and take the chance on happiness? I’m gonna take the plunge.  There are few things I want to do before I can’t and its time.

This is where I’m going to let it all hang out. Vamos a ver que pasa.