Grateful

April 12, 2025Leave a comment

Started this post a few days ago then got busy.

The song was what prompted the post.

Today woke up angry.

Just not a happy camper. I can feel anger emanating. So Unlike me.

This little face warmed my heart

Spent a little time with her, then off to work. Still angry. Now let me just say I try to keep the negative thoughts to myself. Lots of self talk… came here to vent. Found the draft from the other morning. It had this song and it reminded me of the morning I first heard it. Yeah so much better.

Grateful I woke up again (Amen) Woke up and took a breath again (Yahweh) Looked up and saw the sun again(oh) I’m grateful for the eyes I have (Amen) I’m moving all my toes again (Amen) I’m grateful for the wind against my face(hum) I’m grateful for the sensation(sensation) Of a loved one’s embrace.

Grateful for all this and more.

Peace and so much love

Raq

A Symptom

May 8, 2024May 8, 2024Leave a comment

A symptom of being human.

I can’t help but think of you when I hear this song.

Not that you even remember when my birthday is or that November rain is a favorite song.

Maybe it’s just the group and how obsessed you were with them.

So I guess memories, feelings and songs can be symptoms of being human.

No matter, the song is amazing, where you lack lol.

We’re all just passing through
Passengers on a ship of fools

✌️❤️

Raq

More Than

July 9, 2023July 9, 20233 Comments

More than

This body, this face

As I sit here looking at my last surviving child that is intubated and has tubes running in and out of her body. It hits so hard how we are so much more than this body that houses our being.

She is sunshine, happiness, kindness and love..

When she was a child I remember being at a hospital visiting someone and it was her birthday. My daughters birthday. She was tiny, maybe 4 or 5. She had chosen a Barbie at the store because we were out of town. While we were in the waiting room there was a sick child she saw and spoke to. Yes, it was a long time ago. She pulled me aside and asked if she could give the little girl the doll. Of course I said yes, and I got a bit emotional. But that’s when I knew the heart in my child. As she got older it got more expensive. She couldn’t see someone not having what she had.

Now don’t get it twisted she has the heart of a lion. I’ve seen her take on her brother for fun and anyone who threatens someone she loves.

But the goodness outweighs all the bad.

No matter what happens she will be ok.. so will I. Because I got to be her mom.

So Today

October 9, 2022Leave a comment

Today was a bad day.

I was off all weekend and maybe that’s why. I had time? My soul feels tired and there’s this deep sadness. I want to be alone.. Everyone talks and laughs and wants me to join in. I just want them all to go. Go live their lives in their way and let me be. Just be.

It would be nice to have someone to lean on. Someone who understands not just stares with pity because they just don’t know. What are they thinking? She should be over it already. She needs to move on… I rarely say anything because I get that stare. I know it’s hard for people to know what to say. So for their sake I smile and act like I’m ok. It’s exhausting…

The year

September 30, 2022Leave a comment

So it’s been a year that you posted that 3 doors down song when I’m gone.. then you were.

Funny thing is I was gonna listen to it and this one came up.

And I am…

God bless you n I love you baby.

How it feels

July 17, 2022July 17, 2022Leave a comment

How does it feel?

Going through daily motions, when it’s obvious that it’s the last thing a person wants to do.

Maybe a good disconnect… or reconnect? Ha!

My first song choice fell away as soon as this came on.

Because seriously you don’t know how it feels, until it’s you.

Let me run with you tonight
I’ll take you on a moonlight ride

… There’s someone I used to see
But he don’t give a damn for me

… But let me get to the point, let’s roll another joint
And turn the radio loud, I’m too alone to be proud
And you don’t know how it feels
You don’t know how it feels to be me

Yup a song for everything….

✌️ 🖤

Am I?

January 19, 2022January 19, 2022Leave a comment

Am I living?

I’m breathing, talking, walking , and even smiling.

But am I living?

I’ll keep looking for the sun…

✌️❤️

Raq

Irony

October 27, 2021October 27, 2021Leave a comment

There is irony in the healing…

On the daily there seems to be a deep vortex of blackness that swallows me up by late afternoon. Yet I have found that by evening a letter from a stranger far away telling me of his life and daily happenings can actually help. For just a few minutes I can see life through someone else’s eyes. The only person that may actually get it. No tip toeing around what’s happened and actually showing up. What a special kind of person. A real friend? Isn’t it ironic? Who shows up and who doesn’t.

Here’s to real people… they are so rare….