Missing you

November 14, 2026November 14, 2026Leave a comment

It’s only been two days.

But, you know I miss you . I am having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that you’re gone. I never thought you would leave this earth before me.

So today we are in limbo, waiting for the permit to cremate your body. It’s difficult to function like normal. Everyday things like getting showered and dressed is very difficult. Taking me awhile to get going. Everyone keeps asking if I’m eating. They need to stop. There’s a knot in my stomach, and I’m cold, Always cold. I’ll drink hot drinks and keep going the best that I can. I don’t want to do anything or see anyone. Do others feel this way after losing their second and last child?

I wanted to call you at least twice today. I sent you videos of things I know you would like.

So guess what!? Joe ate 2 slices of pepperoni pizza! Mr vegan, yep. I bet you’re laughing your head off. I told him, if Cry’s was here I would have called her to tell on you. He just laughed. I can’t even understand what the deal was with that. We have other food. He’s taking this pretty hard. You meant a lot to him, too.

People keep sending me messages, all in shock. You were so loved, and so well thought of. I wish you had known this.

We are all in shock, devastated and just trying to understand what to do.

I hope you’re happy and free.

I love you and will miss you the rest of my life.

Mom

Thunder and lightning

November 13, 2026Leave a comment

So you found him, did you?

Watching the lightning and listening to the thunder. I can’t help but think you’ve found your brother.

She was angry. She never quite forgave him for dying. She would tell me that when she saw him again, she was going to beat him up.

And tonight, as I listen to the thunder,
I imagine the reunion, her giving him a piece of her mind, and making good on that promise. I imagine him laughing, wrapping those big arms around his little sister, and being so happy to have her back.

I don’t know what waits beyond this life. But I know that love doesn’t end simply because a heartbeat does.

We spend so much time looking at the bodies that carry us through this world, forgetting that the greatest parts of us cannot be held in a photograph or contained in flesh.

Tonight, I choose to imagine my children together again.

Oh, how I wish I could see them, hold them, just be with them.

Until then, I’ll listen for the thunder.

Happy 4th

July 4, 2026July 4, 2026Leave a comment

The holiday knocks,
but grief answers first.

I open the door
with a smile for the world.

Some chairs
are never empty.
Simply filled with love,
that has nowhere left
to go.

Luckily I get to clear my mind spending time with the sunflower academy.

✌🏼🖤

Just another day in paradise

March 11, 2024March 11, 2024Leave a comment

Miss me? crickets…

Still here! Alive and all.

So it’s been a week!

Got some new ink! About time right?

So this piece was a learning experience. Have you ever heard of the tattoo flu? It’s a real thing. Google it.

The day of the tattoo I was so busy. I kept thinking I’ll get something to eat in a sec. Sec never happened and then, omg, I better go so I won’t be late. So all went well til it didn’t. My artist was working and I started to feel a chill. I had my jacket over my legs and started to feel a chill. This should have been a clue. I asked my artist is it cold in here? She said “no, it’s pretty nice in here actually. So we continued. Talking and tatting.. She’s a beautiful girl and we talked about all sorts of things. Afterward I stood up put on my jacket and started to shake. There was a woman standing next to me who said you’re going into shock.. I was all what? I’ve had numerous tattoos never , have I ever, experienced anything close to this. So I walked outside to go to my vehicle. Saw a friend and told her I can’t stop shaking, she says, you’re going into shock. So everyone knows this but me? I went to my car turned up the heat and the seat warmer. Texted someone else who immediately got concerned. Isn’t it funny who you tell things to when there’s a problem? Lesson learned is all I can say. Next time, full meal. taking water and a friend.

So it took me a week to get over whatever I had and it was no picnic. Still nursing a fever blister on the lip.

So here’s a picture of the offending tattoo.

Pretty isn’t it?

It’s blue his favorite color. He loved snakes as well. I have so many pictures with him holding a rattler. I was always scared he was going to get bitten. The Orchid for strength to keep living without him in this life. Something beautiful has to come out of something so awful. Doesn’t it?

I will always miss him.

One of his favorites

I hope your heart is at peace and you are fully loved.

✌️🖤

Raq

More Than

July 9, 2023November 14, 20263 Comments

So Today

October 9, 2022Leave a comment

Today was a bad day.

I was off all weekend and maybe that’s why. I had time? My soul feels tired and there’s this deep sadness. I want to be alone.. Everyone talks and laughs and wants me to join in. I just want them all to go. Go live their lives in their way and let me be. Just be.

It would be nice to have someone to lean on. Someone who understands not just stares with pity because they just don’t know. What are they thinking? She should be over it already. She needs to move on… I rarely say anything because I get that stare. I know it’s hard for people to know what to say. So for their sake I smile and act like I’m ok. It’s exhausting…

How it feels

July 17, 2022July 17, 2022Leave a comment

How does it feel?

Going through daily motions, when it’s obvious that it’s the last thing a person wants to do.

Maybe a good disconnect… or reconnect? Ha!

My first song choice fell away as soon as this came on.

Because seriously you don’t know how it feels, until it’s you.

Let me run with you tonight
I’ll take you on a moonlight ride

… There’s someone I used to see
But he don’t give a damn for me

… But let me get to the point, let’s roll another joint
And turn the radio loud, I’m too alone to be proud
And you don’t know how it feels
You don’t know how it feels to be me

Yup a song for everything….

✌️ 🖤